A philosiraptor. Curses! 106. It was a vicious cycle. Two redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. Because he was a fun-ghi. The owner welcomes him and shows him to the table. He got 12 months. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? "The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water? 222. 274. A bookworm. In a hambulance. A flat minor. Well except the kids, right? What type of flower should you not give on Valentines Day? An impasta. How much do roofs cost? "Let go of the branch", boomed the voice.There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there? Because seven ate nine. He picks it up and starts crying, thinking hes a horrible person. I excel at sleeping. Because the bed wont go to you! ", I was in the library once when a man walked in asking for some ham and cheese. 256. Ten tickles 22. "I work for the 3M company! 278. Cattle-logs. I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first. Ketchup. She has lost all her matches!". They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. , A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. The thief replied: "In that case, give me my money.". What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Here's what your email address says about your computer skills: Own domain (e.g., @methodshop.com): You're skilled and capable. What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? 146. Why are the Irish so wealthy? Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? 4 What did Delaware? 286. I sure wish my friends were back here. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Why did the shopping cart go to therapy? Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Better yet, you'll have plenty of fresh material guaranteed to keep the gang in stitches for weeks to come. Now whats your final question?. Yep! How did the dinosaur build her house? "Where do you live?" The second boy goes into the kitchen and Dad again asks what is wanted for breakfast. Then why not share them with your friends? Now, the main question here is this - are you ready for our selection of only the best long jokes ever? 185. 181. Who eats snails? Why dont blind people skydive? "The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there? 44. Do you know how fast you were going? The police officer says.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); The Muslim man responds angrily, I had no f***ing clue officer!, The cop, surprised, looks at the Muslim man in the eyes and says, What did you just say ta me?, The Muslim man apologizes: Im sorry officer, its Ramadan and Ive been fasting. Knotty Kinks. 142. ""Thank you. Redneck cousin comes into the kitchen and Dad once again asks what is desired for breakfast. Its the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. Subscribe to the Laugh Factory's channel here: http://youtube.com/subscriptio. 114. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe youre sure youve been to before? When do you need to climb the ladder? ", Once, a mosquito walked into a clinic. 182. Nobody knows. 145. Thats right; weve gathered loads of funny long jokes in this article, so youll never run out of endearing things to say (that is, if you learn at least one of them by heart). Teacher Appreciation Ideas 100s of the Best Ideas, Over 300 FUNNY Jokes to Make You Laugh! Dad smacks the little boy and admonishes him for swearing and sends him back into his room. Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?, I think so, replied the other redneck. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 75. The library, because it has so many stories. "Her next announcement came six hours later: "Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. What do you call malware on a Kindle? What do you call a woman with one leg? ", replies the first crow. Alabamait has four As and one B! I want some motherf***ing pancakes!, the second boy said. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. It slipped a disk. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? I always pronounce one word wrong. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels. Why did the tree go to the dentist? Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. That way they can both watch wrestling. 97. Do you know why the other one didnt? Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. 65. "God said yes.The guy said, "God, can I have a penny? When I offered it some food, I was taken aback because it suddenly started talking. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? 1 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? It had buck teeth. The redneck cousin said OW MOTHERF***ER GET OFF MY FINGER!. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? Why did the restaurant hire a pig? You'll think I'm crazy until you should see me with my best friend. Theyre always up to something. Why did the M&M go to school? BOOOOOOOts. Looks authentic, doesn't it. Author: pousadamonalisa.com.br Date Published: 16/05/2022 Ratings: 2.7 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Results 1 - 48 of 144 Ru Paul's Drag Race is a treasure chest filled with the best insults! How did the hipster burn his mouth? After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. A nervous wreck. A frog, because it croaks every night. Share. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. 130. My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! The manager was confused and asked him, "Don't you mean 'You are history'?" Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? They have a lot of fans. It was below sea level. Shutterstock Lawsuits! 3m perfect it 3 step system. Luna-ticks. When its full. You can change your preferences. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? A buccaneer. One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. Someone glued my deck of cards together. What has a bed that you cant sleep in? Did you hear the rumor about the butter? Watch while I prove it to you.". What is the strongest animal in the sea? 6) A player asked his golf coach: "What is going wrong with my game?". ", My nagging wife died suddenly on a trip to Jerusalem. How do you make a water bed bouncier? 201. 262. A comedi-hen! ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. What do you call a musician with problems? ", the others ask. What does a baby computer call its father? 285. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him, "What's wrong? Because it has a million degrees! What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years. "I dont need to outrun the bear", the first guy says. He wanted to be a Smartie. They have anty-bodies. 138. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.". Let me send you my very best ideas, free printables, inspiration and exclusive content every week! Why are hairdressers never late for work? Because they have a lot of spirit! (Closed), I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? All it was doing was collecting dust. They suspected foul play. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes! One dragon goes, "Ooh, it's a bit hot in here." The other responds, "Well close your mouth then." 37. A palm tree! 90. ", A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there? I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.. Carl had a big swollen nose. What did one eye say to the other? Two redneck farmers are leaning over a farm gate when gorgeous girl pulls up in her Mercedes. The next morning Dad is making breakfast and the first little boy drifts into the kitchen. Why did the orange stop? 219. What do you call a fake noodle? They have many fans. ", 400 passengers but only 200 meals were loaded onto a flight from Delhi to New York City. 271. I can do it with my eyes closed. 98. My thermometer just broke.". "A nurse tells the third man, "Congratulations! Shutterstock Aye matey! But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. Never mind, its over your head. What lights up a soccer stadium? They sit next to the fans! My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. Where do polar bears vote? Nep-tunes. 300 Funny Jokes Have a good laugh over these clean jokes you can tell your friends and kids without getting in trouble! When they need to vent. What kind of ghost has the best hearing? Is Google male or female? Lawsuits. I heard they bonded. To make some dough. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you? A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. 269. What do you call a pudgy psychic? ", says the first crow.The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. 204. It was in tents. I couldnt help noticing how happy you look, she said. Liked these funny redneck jokes? To get flowers for her, he had to stand in a line outside the florist for an hour. The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems. What breaks when you speak? TODAY: Ready to show teachers some ? Tickle its balls. When the food critic says no, the owner decides to taste the soup himself but he can't find the spoon. 236. The past, present and future walked into a bar. A pie-thon! Thunderwear. You're the father of quadruplets! You're the father of twins. When the police officer asked him for his name, he replied, "Mind Your Own Business!" 149. 34. 242. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! I think Im going to go to college.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Shutterstock A New Jersey! What does a pig put on dry skin? Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 84. Football and Construction. It's a knight light. Why are toilets always so good at poker? "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? Why did the painting go to jail? Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? Billionaire Mindset On Dreads Dreadlocks Crazy Hair. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise., Thats amazing, the woman said. Where do cows go for entertainment? Spot! A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? 104. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child? They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day. Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, were sitting at a bar. Whats the difference between a rabbit and a plum? Why haven't you spoken before? Say there, says the farmer, you fellers didnt happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?, The first hunter says, Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!, The old farmer said, Thats impossible. In fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store. It wanted to be a water-melon. Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill? Please enter your email to complete registration. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. 294. 74. - You take 'em to the old Volk's home. Because when you find it, you stop looking. 160. Funny For Dreadlocks Adjectives List of funny for dreadlocks adjectives to help modify your slogan. A gummy bear. 238. Creative Dreadlock Business Names. What do you call a pig that does karate? A refrigerator. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.". 240. A shell-ebrity! You know that candy that has a funny joke printed on each wrapper. Everything you need over 50% OFF. A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. What do you call a quiet laugh in Maui? A tomato in an elevator. Sure enough, there was a panda. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. A dragon sees two knights and sighs. Ca-shew! Because then it would be a foot. Launch. Why cant you trust an atom? Herein, we've rounded up the 50 funniest jokes that are so silly they're practically sunshine. Bad jokes are seriously addicting and for that reason, you should always have a few ready to roll at a moment's notice. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. ( Golf Workout Program) 7) "Housework won't kill you. How do celebrities stay cool? The signature of a dad joke is that it's utterly uncool. Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? So, one day they were playing hide and seek. Two redneck farmers are leaning over a farm gate when gorgeous girl pulls up in her Mercedes. The past, present and future . Why did the alien go to the doctor? If athletes get athletes foot, what do elves get? Talk is cheap? 291. One of the hunters pushed forward, Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom? I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. 155. The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. A gummy bear. BANGBANG..BANG..BANG! Impractical Jokers on 9th season, funniest joke gone wrong, Valentine's Day jokes that prove humor is the way to the heart, Father's Day jokes and puns to tell dad on his day, Funny Thanksgiving jokes for kids and adults. The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. Cauli-flower. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. How do you identify a dogwood tree?
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